Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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