To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
