Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
