I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
