Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize