He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
