Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We need to rekindle our bromance
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
