I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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