The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
