I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
foreskin is a definite game changer
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
