Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
