the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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