Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
