Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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