so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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