You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I currently don't understand fingers.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize