it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
