Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
