yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Shame - the story of my life.
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