Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
