Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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