i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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