Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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