I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
