she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize