I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
