Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
