There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
