You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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