Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
