Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
