She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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