the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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