I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
