And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize