i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
