I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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