im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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