there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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