Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Are my feet made of real feet?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize