I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize