I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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