I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
