Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
