Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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