I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
