i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
