Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
