well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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