Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
