First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
