Pants 0. Shit 1.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
