I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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