I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
