He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
