that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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