I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
