she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
