you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
