First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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