Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
