He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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