there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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