I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
